


One Hundred Ways To Say I Love You

by Lizzyboo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, One Hundred Ways to Say ‘I Love You’
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:07:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzyboo/pseuds/Lizzyboo
Summary: in a relationship, there are 100 different ways to say 'i love you'.here are some of them.





	1. it’s not heavy.  I’m stronger than I look

The flight was, objectively, the worst flight in Dan’s life. From the minute they got to the airport he knew nothing was going to go his way. 

First of all, they almost missed their flight, again. And this time, it was 100% not his fault. 

Okay, so maybe he could have packed his bags the night before like he told Phil he would do, and maybe he could have made sure that his laundry was actually dry after washing and ready to go into the suitcase. But still, this time it was all Phil’s fault. 

You see, Phil, with all his planning and pestering and organizing, managed to somehow not check his emails the night before, which meant that he didn’t see the massage he got from the airlines, saying the flight was pushed back an hour. 

In all fairness, it was quite unusual to have a flight pushed back. At least, Dan and Phil never experienced that type of inconvenience before. So although he could understand why Phil didn’t think to check for such an occasion, he was still to blame for not seeing the very clear, very responsible, mail he was sent. 

After that it all went to hell. 

Dan was sweaty and tired when they finally boarded the plane. Because of their delay, by the time they got to their seats they were already taken by a couple of sweet looking elderlies that Dan and Phil really didn’t feel comfortable moving. So instead, they took the seats the couple was meant to sit in.

Which is how they ended up sitting right in front of the toilets. 

And if that wasn’t enough, because of all the chaos that morning, Dan forgot his laptop charger at home, which meant he had nothing to do for the entire flight. Sure, he could have probably asked Phil to lend him his, but at that moment he was far too pissed about everything and talking to the person who was the cause of most of his problems was the last thing he wanted to do. 

So he settled in for what probably was the longest few hours of his life, watching people standing in line with their butts right in his face, going in and out of the toilet, ignoring Phil’s attempts to start a conversation. 

\---------------

By the time they landed Dan was at an all-time high grumpiness levels. He didn’t even wait for Phil to get their passports checked at the same time, marching on ahead of him with a clear intention of adding fuel to the fire, knowing full well how much Phil hated that. 

Phil did catch up to him at the luggage claim, scanning the room with his eyes until he noticed Dan sitting folded up in a small seat between a man in a suit and a woman holding a baby, not even attempting to get their suitcase. 

To Dan’s surprise, Phil didn’t approach him to scold his childish behavior. Instead, going straight to where their luggage was supposed to arrive, showing up in front of him 10 minutes later, their large suitcase at hand. 

“Come on, lets go get a cab,” Phil said quietly, with a sympathetic smile, and Dan couldn’t stop the wave of embarrassment he was feeling. 

It was always Phil’s way to reprimand him. Act so bloody nice and mature and refuse to get into arguments when Dan was in one of his petty moods. 

Or maybe he was just that good. Honestly, Dan thought that was even worse. 

But he got up without a word, starting to walk beside Phil towards the exit. 

That’s when he noticed that Phil was not dragging the suitcase on the ground, but hoisting it up above the floor, leaning a bit to the side to support the weight. 

“Why the fuck are you holding the suitcase up?” he asked, and even though he intended for it to be a simple question, he didn’t really manage to erase the hostility from his voice. 

“Oh,” Phil said, as if he didn’t expect Dan to ask, “One of the wheels broke,” he shrugged. 

And if Dan didn’t feel crappy before, he sure as hell felt horrible now. 

Phil was making it impossible for him to stay mad, the bastard. Being all nice and calm and carrying the very large, very heavy, suitcase for the both of them without even saying a word. 

“Give it to me,” Dan said, a bit too aggressively, reaching out to take the suitcase out of Phil’s hands.

But Phil didn’t let go, shaking his head. 

“It’s okay, I can carry it,” he said. 

“With those noodles you call arms? Yeah, I don’t think so.” And seriously, what was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just be nice for a second? 

But Phil just laughed, because he was Phil and Phil always knew when Dan needed to be a little mean. 

“Ouch! You’re hurting my fragile masculinity,” he exclaimed, putting a hand over his heart dramatically. 

Dan couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Damn Phil and his ability to always make everything feel lighter.

“What masculinity?” Dan asked, but even to his ears his voice sounded a lot more teasing and less challenging. 

“I don’t know, why don’t we get to the hotel and I’ll let you find out?" Phil retorted, trying to wink at him but instead ending up blinking miserably. 

“Smooth,” Dan snorted, rolling his eyes at the way Phil looked pleased with himself. 

“Seriously though, this is not that heavy, and I’m stronger than I look, so don’t worry about it,” Phil said, starting to walk again. 

“Wasn’t worried, I just know you’ll use it as an excuse to get a massage later. ‘Oh my arms hurt from carrying that extremely heavy luggage all by myself!’”

Phil stopped walking again, looking at Dan with a smirk. 

He leaned closely to his ear, even though no one was paying them any attention, and said “My ass hurts from you being a pain in it, can you massage that as well?”

Dan felt his cheeks heating up, and he pushed Phil away from him with a too loud “fuck off!” making him giggle uncontrollably all the way to the cab station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here is the first one! hope you liked it :)  
> the chapters have nothing to do with each other so you can read them and not be afraid of a cliffhanger haha.  
> this drabbles are based on a post on tumblr (Hundred Ways to Say ‘I Love You’) and people are sending me numbers with things they want me to write from it :)  
> if you want to also send a number, you can go to my tumblr ( phantasticlizzy) and find the post there!


	2. It doesn’t bother me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sick fic

Phil was a clingy sick person. Been this way ever since he could remember. 

When he was young, he remembers climbing into his parents bed when he didn’t feel well, cuddling up between them and complaining about a stomach ache or a headache or nausea, demanding fussing and attention. 

He didn’t even care when Martyn called him a baby, because it was a universal law that you were allowed to be a baby when you were sick. Everybody knew that. 

It was a free pass to act as needy as he wanted, whining and clinging and demanding, having people around him always delivering all the attention he was craving.

Except, when he was older and moved away for university, he suddenly realised that even though he was allowed to whine and complain and be a baby about it, no one was really obliged to take care of him anymore. 

Sure, he had some good friends, and his housemates did look at him sympathetically when he would go out of his room with a duvet wrapped around his head, saying he was sick and coughing miserably. 

But none of them made him soup, or went to his room to check if he was okay, or rubbed his head when it was hurting to make it better. 

And there was a limit on how many times a grown boy was allowed to call his mother when he was unwell just to hear someone worry and care. 

So he had to learn how to take care of himself in those situations. How to get out of bed and make himself tea and food and go buy medication even if all he wanted was to stay under the covers all day and feel sorry for himself. 

And by the time he finished university he liked to think of himself as a pro adult. One who could do anything and everything without the help of others. 

It didn’t mean he stopped craving the feeling of being taken care of though. Didn’t mean he stopped desiring cuddles and fussing and attention. 

So that’s why, when he found himself sick and lonely one night in his Manchester apartment, even though he knew he could take care of things by himself, he had the undeniable urge to call Dan. 

He and Dan were dating for a few months at this point, and Phil never felt this kind of connection to another person. They just got each other from the moment they started talking, and it seemed like Dan understood him better than anyone else ever could.

And to top that all up, Dan was living in Manchester now for uni, which meant they got to see each other on an almost daily basis, and that definitely contributed to the way things started to progress more between the two of them. 

But still, Phil wasn’t sure if calling his maybe-maybe-not boyfriend just because he was sick and craving attention and pity was the appropriate thing to do. 

Would Dan be dismissive? Tell him to take a pill and go to bed? Laugh at Phil for being such a needy baby? Phil didn’t want to take the risk. 

But by half past 9 Phil was feeling so miserable he didn’t even care anymore. 

Everything was hurting. His head was about to explode and his limbs didn’t work quite right and the kitchen where he was keeping his medication seemed way too far for him to walk to. 

Even dialing Dan’s phone number felt like an extreme effort that took too much energy out of him. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Dan answered after the fourth ring. Phil counted. 

“Hey,” he said, and his voice was hoarse and tired and he just really really needed someone to make it better. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, immediately sounding alarmed by Phil’s voice. 

Phil shook his head at no one, stopping when the motion made him queasy. “I’m not feeling so good, I think I’m getting sick.” 

Phil could barely register Dan’s soft cooing, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. Everything was spinning around him and the sound of Dan’s voice was the only thing grounding him at the moment. 

“Oh poor baby, what’s hurting?” contrary to what Phil expected, Dan’s voice didn’t sound teasing or sarcastic, just genuinely concerned and caring. 

“Everything,” he said, letting himself sound as miserable as he was feeling. 

Dan cooed again, and Phil could hear a rustling of motion in the background of Dan’s end of the line. “I’m on my way to you right now okay? Do you need me to get anything before I get there? Meds? Food?” 

Phil didn’t even have it in him to protest. Feeling physically relived by the notion of Dan coming over to take care of him. 

“No, I think I have everything. Thank you.” 

“Okay, then I’ll be there soon, yeah?” 

“Okay.” 

\--------------

Dan let himself in with the spare key Phil had gotten him a few weeks ago, not even bothering to knock.

 

Phil was lying in his bed, not reacting to Dan calling his name because raising his voice felt like too much of an effort. 

But the apartment was small and there weren’t a lot of places Dan had to look before he made his way into the bedroom, sitting on the side of the bed and looking at Phil’s pitiful state. 

“Hey baby, how are you doing?” he asked, and the small loop Phil’s stomach did at the nickname just made the nausea feel worse.

“Not so good,” he said, blinking up at Dan through the haze.

Dan’s lips were in a tight line and he reached down to move Phil’s hair out if his eyes and check for a fever. “You burning up, did you take a pill?” he sked before leaning down to check again with his lips against his forehead. 

“Not in the last few hours, the kitchen is too far away,” he whined, relishing in the attention he was all of a sudden showered with. 

Dan patted his hair with one hand and lifted up Phil’s hand with the other, pressing it to his lips for a kiss. “Okay, I’ll go fix you something to eat and then get you some medication, okay? You’ll feel better soon.” 

“Okay,” Phil answered, nuzzling into the hand that was pressed to his head, “Thank you.” 

\-----------------

Half an hour later Phil was fed and medicated and was contently lying down with his head on Dan’s chest and Dan’s arms around him, massaging his scalp with one hand and rubbing his side with the other. 

Phil could feel the effect of the pills starting to take place, making him sleepy and drowsy but a lot less in pain. 

“I’m sorry I dragged you here like that for such a silly reason,” Phil said quietly, kissing Dan’s chest. Now that he didn’t feel like he was about to die, he couldn’t really stop himself from feeling at least a little embarrassed from the whole thing.

“Don’t apologize, I always want to take care of you,” Dan answered, squeezing Phil a bit closer to himself and kissing the top of his head. 

“Yeah I know, but I’m all… sick and needy and annoying, can’t possibly be fun.” 

Dan chuckled, kissing his head again. “Trust me, it really doesn’t bother me,” he said, and to emphasize his words he let his arms move slowly up and down Phil’s body, pulling him even more securely against his body. 

Phil’s lips twitched up. He couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading on his face at Dan’s words. He could feel his entire body radiating warmth, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t just because of the fever. 

“If you say so,” he said, pulling himself a bit up to kiss Dan on the cheek. 

But Dan was having none of that, cupping Phil’s cheek in his hand and guiding his lips to connect with his own for a quick peck, rubbing their noses against each other before letting go and letting Phil settle back down against his chest, sighing in content and closing his eyes. 

And if Dan called Phil a week later, accusing him with a pitiful voice of getting him sick as well, demanding that Phil would come over and take care of him, well, Phil couldn’t say it bothered him too much either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it! leave a comment and tell me what you think:)


	3. Don't cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warning** some spirited away spoilers

It started with Phil suggesting that they’ll watch the entire Ghibli studio box set they had lying in their apartment.

It was just after they came back home from spending a few days apart with their respective families for Christmas, feeling deprived of home and attention and each other, just a little bit embarrassed by how co-dependent they were being, looking for an excuse to cuddle up together for a few hours, casually touching and feeling and breathing without feeling slightly ridiculous for missing each other that much.

Truly, they stopped really caring about seeming too attached to each other years ago now, knowing full well that if they’ll ever stop feeling this way, that would be the time to actually start worry. But sometimes it still felt a bit silly, how desperate for each other’s company they got after just a few days apart.

How much they missed touching and talking and just being in each other’s space without the need to hold themselves back. 

And sometimes, having an excuse to do that, having a reason behind the closeness and clinginess and laziness was necessary for their peace of mind. Necessary for them to feel like they were allowed to take that time and just be in their own cocoon of warmth and familiarity, not letting the outside world interrupt. 

So they settled on the sofa, sitting close to each other and putting on film after film. 

They weren’t really paying attention at first, much more interested in each other’s lips and skin and presence. But by the time they put on the third movie they were both feeling a bit more settled and content and finally started paying some attention to what was going on on the screen. 

Besides, Spirited Away was undoubtedly one of the best movies in their box set (although Dan liked to say it was a bit basic), so they silently decided they didn’t really want to miss out on what was going on. 

They stayed pressed to each other though, not missing on the opportunity to cuddle closely, arms wrapped around each other and holding tight. 

Phil found himself with his head in Dan’s chest, watching the scenes unravel before him through somewhat of a haze. 

It was hard to really concentrate when Dan’s hand was combing through his hair just right, making his body purr from the sensation, his other hand laced with Phil’s, fingers fitting between his own perfectly, his heartbeat steady underneath his ear. 

He did, however, felt his peaceful bubble burst when he heard a few sniffles coming from above him, turning his head up and seeing tears rolling down Dan’s face quietly. 

Phil straightened up immediately, frowning at the teary eyed man next to him with concern. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked in confusion, feeling his chest tighten a bit at the sight of Dan crying. 

Dan didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes in the screen, gesturing vaguely towards it. 

“It’s just… so unfair. They finally found each other, why does she have to leave him behind?” Dan said, his voice shaking slightly and a few more tears slipping from the corner of his eye to his cheek.

Phil looked at the movie as well, seeing that they were approaching the end scene, watching Chihiro and Haku forced to say goodbye to each other. 

He looked back at Dan, seeing the way he was still watching the screen intently, frown on his face and lips quivering a bit. And Phil, being the sensitive, supportive boyfriend that he was, couldn’t stop himself from letting out a loud giggle, making Dan look at him disapprovingly. 

“Are you actually crying while watching Spirited Away?” he asked, voice fond and still a hint of laughter to his tone. Honestly, he was just feeling relived there was nothing more serious going on.

“Fuck off! It’s a sad movie,” Dan retorted, untangling himself from Phil and crossing his arms on his chest. 

 

“Well, not really,” Phil said, which earned him another annoyed look from Dan. 

“How can you say that? They loved each other, she finally remembered him, he finally remembered his name because of her, and then they had to leave each other at the end? How fucked up is that?” Phil could see new tears well up in Dan’s eyes and he couldn’t resist the urge to coo. 

He reached out, taking Dan’s face in his hands and wiping the tears under his eyes with his thumbs. 

“You’re so sweet,” he said with a smirk. 

“Piss off,” Dan answered, pushing Phil’s hands away from his face, but he couldn’t really hide the small smile creeping into his face. 

Phil didn’t let it discourage him though, finding Dan’s face once again and letting his thumbs keep rubbing the pink underneath Dan’s eyes. 

“Don’t cry, I’m sure they found each other again,” he said, letting his voice go softer and warmer, because Dan was sweet. Sometimes he liked to hide it behind sarcasm and eye rolls but he was the sweetest person Phil has ever met and he was so lucky that Dan didn’t really feel the need to hide behind anything when he was with him. Letting Phil witness all those moments that were for no one’s eyes but his. 

“You don’t know that,” Dan said, but he didn’t push Phil away, leaning a bit towards the touch. 

“I do know that. Me and Hayao Miyazaki are old pals, he told me just the other day. He said, ‘Phil, my old friend, Chihiro and Haku found each other again years later, and they lived happily ever after in a cool apartment in Tokyo.’ At least that’s what I think he said, my Japanese is a bit rusty.” 

Dan couldn’t help but laugh at that, rolling his eyes at Phil fondly, and Phil couldn’t be more proud of himself. 

 

“You’re so full of crap,” he mumbled, taking Phil’s hands away from his face and wrapping them around himself, collapsing into Phil’s body. 

He sighed, nuzzling into Phil’s chest. 

Phil held him close, moving his arms up and down his back in slow, comforting motions. 

“I wouldn’t have left,” Dan mumbled eventually, voice muffled into Phil’s shirt. 

“Mhm?” 

“If I was her, I would have refused to leave. I would have found a way to take him with me,” he said, lifting his head up and looking at Phil determinedly. 

Phil let his fingers travel up to Dan’s face, pushing the curls out of his forehead. 

“I know you would have.” He leaned down, kissing Dan’s forehead, letting his lips linger on his skin before pulling away. “But they were like, 11 years old or something, they probably wouldn’t have made it anyway. And then imagine how awkward it could have been. Besides, wasn’t he like, a river or something? How could that work?” 

Dan groaned loudly, flopping back down on Phil’s chest. “Way to ruin the moment.” 

And Phil just laughed again, kissing the top of his head. 

He didn’t need to tell Dan that he wouldn’t have left as well, no matter what. The way he was holding him just a bit too tight for the rest of the night already said it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this one! please leave a comment with your thoughts :)


	4. Go back to sleep

Dan was trying to make his way quietly to the bedroom, navigating his way through the darkness of the apartment. 

Phil went to bed a few hours before him, mumbling something about a headache and retreating to their warm bed without saying too much. 

Dan hummed in acknowledgement, suggesting that he’d take a pill before going to sleep if the pain was too bad, and said he would be there to join him soon. 

He was deep in thought, trying to come up with an idea for his first video of 2018. There were a few ideas buzzing around in his mind but he needed to figure out what was the right one, and what was the right way to execute it. (and as he was a great procrastinator, his time sitting in front of the computer was laced with a considerable amount of browsing different sites and social media). 

By the time he felt his eyes starting to burn, his mind starting to shut down and his body protesting to the sitting position it was already approaching 3 AM. 

So he turned off the computer, saving the little progress he managed to make (that was okay, he told himself, there was always tomorrow) and tried to make his way to the bedroom without bumping into anything. 

The apartment was quiet and dark, and in moments like this Dan always regretted not going to bed at the same time as Phil. It felt quite silly to him, how after all these years he was still a little afraid to make his way in his own home when the lights were off. 

Phil always said that he found it endearing. But yet again, it didn’t stop him from teasing Dan gently about it whenever he had the chance. 

Dan managed to get to the bedroom without falling, opening and closing the door as quiet as he could, trying not to wake Phil up. 

He took his clothes off, shedding his jumper and jeans and leaving just a pair of boxers on his body. He shivered a little from the cold. The apartment was chilly at night but he knew the bed was warm, inviting, and he tiptoed his way to his side, trying not to make too much noise. 

Just when was about to get under the covers though, he managed to somehow kick the nightstand with his leg, sending whatever was on top of it to crash on the floor with a loud bang. 

Dan cringed from the noise, holding his breath, hoping he didn’t wake Phil up, but having no such luck, hearing a rustle from the human shaped lump under the covers. 

“Dan?” Phil asked, voice sleepy and confused. 

“Yeah, it's me, sorry.” 

Phil groaned. “What time is it?” he mumbled, barely audible. 

“Late,” he answered, finally getting into bed and shuffling closer to Phil. 

“Go back to sleep,” Dan whispered, leaning forward to leave a kiss on whatever flesh he could find. By the feel of it under his lips, it was probably Phil’s shoulder, smooth and soft but just a little bit bony. 

“Mhm, you said you’d come to bed soon after I left,” Phil complained weakly, shuffling backwards until his butt hit Dan’s thigh. 

“I’m sorry, I lost track of time.” Dan reached blindly, finding Phil’s head and combing his fingers through his hair with a soothing motion, trying to appease him. “How’s your head?” he asked, still whispering. 

“Better,” Phil answered, wiggling his body a bit more until all of his back was pressed to Dan’s front. 

“Cuddle me,” Phil demanded, voice a bit whiny and muffled by the pillow and laced with sleep and Dan had no desire to protest. 

“Yes sir,” he said, wrapping his arms around Phil’s body and pulling him more securely into his chest, letting his nose press to the back of his neck and his fingers to spread on the soft of Phil’s stomach.

Phil took hold of his hands immediately, instinctively, spreading his own fingers on top of Dan’s and lacing them together, squeezing tight before Dan could feel his hold gradually became weaker, breathing slower, sinking back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it guys! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think as i crave validation :')


	5. Can I kiss you?

Dan was sitting on his computer when Phil entered the room, ignoring his presence completely. 

They had a fight a few hours ago, and they both left to fume quietly on their own, not really wanting each other’s company. 

It wasn’t a serious fight. There were no yelling or slamming doors and honestly neither of them really did anything worth fighting about. But sometimes, when spending your entire time with someone, things had a tendency of getting a bit too much without any real reason. 

And Dan was having a bad day from the moment he woke up. 

It started with him oversleeping in the morning, getting up groggy and stressed and with a slight headache. It then continued with him finding out that he was out of cereal again, even though he remembered leaving enough for himself the night before to avoid this entire situation. 

And to top it all up, Phil once again left the cupboard’s door open in the kitchen, so when Dan tried to make himself a cup of coffee he ended up smacking his head right on the sharp edge. 

So by the time he finished his breakfast, he was grumpy and annoyed and really just wanted to retreat to a privet corner and be by himself for a bit, play some games and maybe edit his last video. 

But it looked like Phil didn’t get the memo, because unlike him, it seemed like he was more than willing to spend the entire day in Dan’s company. 

“Do you want to watch friends?” Phil asked once they finished breakfast. Phil could sense that Dan wasn’t in the best mood, and even though he knew Dan liked to be alone on days like this, he hoped that maybe spending some time doing something relaxing would help. 

“No,” Dan answered shortly, getting up from the couch and taking his plate to the sink with Phil trailing after him. 

“Okay, do you want to watch something else?” Phil tried again, standing with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall. 

“No,” Dan answered again, and he could feel his headache getting worse. He really needed some alone time to recharge. 

“Can you say anything other than no?” Phil said, starting to feel a bit on edge himself. He was just being nice, Dan had no reason to talk so coldly to him. 

“No,” Dan snapped again, walking past Phil and out of the room, having Phil follow him once again. 

“Why are you being such a jerk? I’m just trying to help you relax a bit.” 

They entered the lounge again, and Dan stopped in his track, looking pointedly at the coffee table, lifting a small object from it and turning around to flail it in Phil’s face. 

“You know what would help me relax?! You not leaving you’re bloody socks everywhere, you think you can manage that?” 

“What’s the big deal? I was just going to put them away,” Phil retorted, taking the defendant sock out of Dan’s hand with a sharp motion. 

“Yeah? And how about you not eating all of my cereal? Or leaving the cupboard’s door open for me to get a concussion? Can you do that?” Dan’s voice wasn’t raised but his tone was sharp and angry and Phil felt the need to defend himself. 

“I didn’t do it on purpose. You’re being an ass, and I really don’t deserve it,” Phil said, and even though he tried to make his voice just as sharp as Dan’s he couldn’t mask the little bit of hurt seeping into it. 

Dan rubbed his temple and let out a sigh. “Just… let me be Phil. I don’t want to watch TV, I don’t want to do anything. I want to sit by myself and edit, can I do that? Can you let me do that?” 

And Phil really didn’t have anything to add to that. “Whatever Dan, do what you want,” he grumbled, leaving the room to go sulk in their bedroom, granting Dan his wish. 

They spent the day apart, each of them doing their own thing and trying not to get in each other’s way. 

But by 6 PM Phil was feeling a lot less angry and a lot guiltier. 

Because even though Dan shouldn’t have talked to him like he did, Phil knew full well that sometimes when Dan was moody he needed some time to himself. He had no idea now, looking back at it, why he felt the need to push. 

Maybe he was feeling a bit grumpy himself, looking to get a reaction out of Dan. But honestly, at that moment it didn’t really matter anymore. 

He decided they both had enough time in solitude, getting out of their room and making his way to where Dan was sitting in front of his computer for most of the day. 

Dan didn’t acknowledge his presence, still focused on the screen and avoiding Phil. 

Phil let out a sigh, making his way to Dan and sitting on the floor next to his chair, putting his hand on Dan’s knee and waiting for him to look at him. 

When Dan finally did, he didn’t look mad anymore, just tired and a little distant. 

Phil took the opportunity, laying his face on Dan’s thigh and rubbing his cheek against the fabric of Dan’s jeans. “Are you feeling better?” he asked, peeking up at Dan from his position on the floor. 

Dan didn’t answer, but his hand found its way to Phil’s head, scratching his scalp with blunt fingernails, making Phil nuzzle into the touch. 

They stayed like that for a moment before Phil talked again. “I’m sorry I pushed. I knew you were in a bad mood and wanted to be left alone, I don’t know why I didn’t let it go.”

Dan shook his head, pushing Phil’s hair out of his forehead. “Don’t be. I was a twat. I just need some time by myself today, I should have just said it from the start.” 

Phil noted how he didn’t use past tense, meaning he still probably needed some alone time. 

Phil lifted his head, looking at Dan with understanding. “I’ll go make dinner, okay? And if you want you can join me later, or I can put it in the fridge for you for when you’ll get hungry.” 

Dan let his fingers trail down Phil’s forehead to his cheek, smiling with gratitude. “I’ll join you later, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” 

Phil didn’t move from his position though, still feeling like something was missing. 

“Can I… can I kiss you?” he asked. It felt a little silly, but he didn’t want to assume, and sometimes when Dan was in one of his moods he didn’t really want too much affection. But Dan just smiled at him again, cupping his cheeks in his hands and leaning down to press his lips against Phil’s. 

Phil responded immediately, maybe a bit too eagerly, reaching his hands to cup Dan’s face as well, deepening the kiss a little. Dan complied for a moment, but soon pulled away, saying Phil’s name with a gentle warning. 

“Right, sorry. I’ll leave you to it,” Phil said, standing up from the floor and turning to make his way out of the room. But before he could leave, he felt Dan grab his hand, pulling it to his lips and leaving a lingering kiss against his knuckles. 

“I’ll come join you later okay?” he said again, looking at Phil and Phil couldn’t help but smile. 

He squeezed Dan’s hand one last time before pulling his own away. 

“Take your time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it guys! please leave a comment with your thoughts :)


	6. I brought you an umbrella

Dan was on his way home from his therapy session when it started raining. 

He didn’t bring an umbrella with him, and his jacket had no hood on it, and honestly, if that wasn’t a metaphor for how he was feeling at the moment he doesn’t know what is. 

It was an intense session. He and his therapist talked about a lot of topics Dan didn’t really like to discuss and it left him drained and frustrated and just plain sad. 

He knew they had to talk about it. He left the stage of skepticism a long time ago and fully embraced the fact that professionals were there to help and advise him on his journey to getting better, and to do that he had to cooperate and be open about what was wrong and what he was going through. 

But still, even after all this time, there were still some conversations that were harder to have than others. 

And so by the time he got to the tube he was soaking wet and shivering and felt like his physical appearance matched his mood a little too well. 

 

To: Phil Lester  
‘Should I bring an umbrella with me? Nah its fine it’s not going to rain.’ This is the last time I leave the house. 

 

As usual, it took Phil no more than two minutes to respond. 

 

From: Phil Lester  
:0  
Where are you right now?

 

To: Phil Lester  
On the tube  
Looking like a wet dog  
Not even the cute kind 

 

From: Phil Lester  
Is there such a thing as a not cute dog? xx  
Why didn’t you take a cab? 

 

To: Phil Lester  
Wanted to torture myself  
Apparently 

 

From: Phil Lester  
:( 

 

Dan didn’t respond to that, putting his phone away and leaning his head back, closing his eyes and letting himself wallow in self-pity. 

He was allowed. He was tired and mentally drained and his body was drenched and clod and he really wanted to get home and not leave his bed for the next week. 

He wouldn’t though. He wouldn’t because there was a tour to plan and videos to film and sometimes he just had to power through it. 

Besides, he had a strong suspicion that if he’d just whine and pout a little Phil would go in his mum mode, draw him a warm bath and make him some hot drink and give him some much needed cuddles. And even though it wouldn’t fix everything, it would certainly help. 

(And maybe, if he’s lucky, he would score some sympathy blow job as well.) 

By the time he got to his stop he was a little less upset and a little more excited to get home already, even though there was still at least 10 minutes of walking in the rain he had to do before he could finally enter his warm, dry apartment. 

With that in mind, he let out a sigh and braced himself to step into the stormy outside world.

But before he could do that, he heard someone calling “Dan!” from behind him, making him turn around and search for the owner of the voice. 

Right by the exit he spotted Phil, waving at him with one hand and holding an umbrella in the other. 

Dan made his way to him, feeling his heart swell in his chest. “What are you doing here?” He asked, even though he had a pretty good idea. 

“I brought you an umbrella,” he answered, reaching out and giving Dan the umbrella he was holding. 

Dan took the object from him, looking at it and feeling all his emotions well up in his eyes. He felt a bit silly, getting so emotional by his boyfriend bringing him an umbrella, but it was okay. He could blame it on the long, tiring day he had. 

If it was just the two of them, he would have kissed him. He would have wrapped his arms around Phil and hold tightly and show him how grateful he was. Not just for the umbrella, but for everything. 

But as they were in public, he could do nothing else but blink a few times to clear his vision before looking at Phil again and saying, “You spork, I didn’t ask you to do that.” 

And Phil just smiled, warm and soft and understanding. “You’ve trained me. You don’t even need to tell me to do things anymore, I just do them.” 

Dan shook his head, and even though he was still wet and cold he could feel warmth spreading out through his entire body. “You’re so full of lies.” 

Phil giggled, reaching out to shove at Dan’s shoulder a little but ended up squeezing his arm, just for a second. “Come on,” he said, “let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! thank you for reading :)  
> please leave a comment and tell me if you liked this one! ^^


	7. You’re warm

Phil slept with his lips slightly open, small huffs and puffs of air making their way out of his ajar mouth, making soft sounds in the quiet of the night. He also drooled a little. Sometimes on his pillow, sometimes on the back of Dan’s neck, and sometimes right on his chest. 

He didn’t move a lot in his sleep, staying in the same position most of the night. But he did shuffle to get closer every time Dan moved away, his brow furrowed a bit in confusion like a small child when his pacifier was taken away. 

He also clung to whatever he could. Hard. Like an octopus. 

Whether it was his pillow or duvet, or Dan’s waist or arms, whenever his grabby hands got a hold of something, it was unlikely he would let it go during the night. 

Dan knew all that from years of observing. Years of watching and learning and remembering every little detail. Years of waking up with a damp shoulder, teasing Phil about not being able to stop his drooling whenever Dan was around. Years of opening his eyes to the feeling of his body being stiff because they didn’t change position all night, only to get a ridiculously adorable frown when he tried to pull away. 

He loved everything about those moments. Didn’t take them for granted. Cherished every single one, honestly did. 

But today, it was getting a bit much. 

Phil was sprawled mostly on top of him, his leg hooked over Dan’s thigh and his arm curled around his middle, fingers clutching his elbow and keeping him in place. His drool was all over Dan’s shoulder, cold nose poking Dan’s neck and morning hair tickling his cheek uncomfortably. 

And Dan was awake for 30 minutes already. 

At first, he tried to stay still, not wanting to disturb Phil’s sleep and letting himself enjoy the lazy atmosphere. But this position stopped being cute and endearing about 15 minutes later, and his stiff limbs were crying for help, wanting to get some blood flow in them. 

 

And he did try to get away, more than once. But every time he made a move to get out of bed Phil’s claws dug deeper into his flesh, small frown spreading on his peaceful face and making Dan’s chest swell from the sight. Damn Phil and his cuteness, forcing Dan to stay immobile and frustrated when he could do something useful with his time. 

And the worst part of it all was, from this position he couldn’t even reach his phone. So not only was he stiff, trapped and uncomfortable, he was also bored out of his mind.

So after 30 minutes, Dan decided he had enough. It was time to get out of bed and get on with his day, and Phil would just have to deal with it. 

So he braced himself, taking a deep breath before pulling himself sharply, all at once, out of Phil’s hold. Untangling himself from his own, personal koala and rolling to the far side of the bed and sitting up. 

He glanced back at Phil. Watching his delayed, slow reaction to what just happened. 

At first, his fingers clenched around nothing, trying to find the thing he had been clinging to throughout the night. After that, his body shuffled a bit, face frowning in his sleep and arms feeling all around the covers next to him. And at last, he made a long, whiny sound before opening his eyes and blinking at Dan with confusion, eyes unfocused and half hooded. 

“What…mhm… come back,” Phil mumbled, barely audible, lips pouting up at Dan. 

“Nope, not a chance, I just got free I’m not going back,” he answered, watching Phil fight to keep his eyes open. He didn’t look like he registered what Dan was saying at all, continuing to feel the covers next to him, as if it would make Dan magically come back. 

“No… come back,” he said again pitifully, shuffling a bit more towards Dan, “this is animal abuse.” 

And because Dan was a kind boyfriend, generous even, he let his hand make its way to Phil’s head, combing his hair between his fingers, trying to appease him at least a little. 

Phil’s reaction was immediate, scarily so, hands flying up and clutching Dan’s hand with force, pulling it down to his chest and snuggling right to it. 

“Phil,” Dan tried to reprimand, but his voice had a bit too much amusement to it, a bit too much warmth. 

“Come back,” Phil said for the third time, moving Dan’s hand to his mouth and leaving kisses all over the back of it. 

And really, even in his sleep, Phil was the most manipulative snake Dan has ever met. There was nothing that could convince Dan otherwise. 

“This is cheating,” Dan said, feeling his entire body fight the desire to cave. Phil was playing dirty, it was impossible to resist hand kisses and sleepy blue eyes, and Phil knew that, the bastard. 

And all Phil had to do was blink at him a few more times, squeeze his hand in his and nuzzle his cold nose against it for Dan to let out a loud groan, flopping back down on the bed. 

“10 minutes, I swear to god Phil,” he said, but even he knew his threats were empty at this point. 

Phil hummed contently, shuffling back right to Dan’s body, head nuzzling it’s way under Dan’s arm, forcing Dan to hold him. 

Dan let out a long sigh, but complied none the less, pulling Phil more securely into him, letting him snuggled right into the crook of his neck. 

“Mm… you’re warm,” Phil mumbled, his breath tickling Dan’s neck. He let his long legs bend over Dan’s, gliding his freezing toes up and down Dan’s shin. 

“And your fucking freezing,” Dan retorted, moving his leg away from Phil. 

Phil chuckled, kissing the skin closest to him, which happened to be Dan’s jaw. “That’s what you get when you leave your poor boyfriend alone in bed to freeze to death.” 

“Okay, firstly I didn’t even leave the bed, so I hardly left you alone in it. Second, I moved away for like, 3 minutes.” 

Phil squeezed him harder, nuzzling into his skin. “I’m like a lizard, except instead of sun I need love and cuddles to stay warm.” 

Dan resisted the urge to coo, instead letting out a loud humph and saying, “Leave your scalie fantasies out of this.” 

But by the way Dan’s neck started to feel damp again and Phil’s hands clung into his side, Dan thought it was safe to assume Phil fell asleep once more. 

And if Dan kissed the top of Phil’s head, letting his hands draw patterns on Phil’s body for the next 45 minutes until Phil finally awoke from his slumber, well, no one could really blame him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh i really like this one! (especially since it’s absolutely canon lol)  
> hope you liked it! leave a comment with your thoughts :)


	8. Can I have this dance?

His mum is looking at him again from across the table and Dan finds himself, not for the first time that night, fixing his tie and combing his hair between his fingers, trying to soothe whatever her motherly concerns may be. 

There is something observant about her look, and maybe a little judgmental, although that could be just him. Dan learned long ago not to count on his instincts when it comes to his parents (he always had trouble being neutral, but at least now he’s able to admit it). 

They’re at a wedding. His cousin’s wedding to be exact. It was a small ceremony and he knows most of the people there and everyone knows him (even that one auntie that he’s pretty sure he’s never ever met before, but by the way she pinched his cheek and shoved a 10 pound bill into his pocket he’s probably wrong). 

He’s there with his close family. His dad is sitting in front of him next to his mum, and he looks so bored Dan thinks he might actually fall asleep with his face in his plate of pudding and cause the new great pudding debacle of 2018. (after the great pudding debacle of 2011 when uncle George slipped and fell with a huge dish of pudding in his arms everybody were on their toes). 

Dan’s mum, besides constantly shooting Dan glances, is busy making hushed comments to her indifferent looking husband about the aging of various relatives, while playing with the straps of her new navy blue dress (“I don’t look old like her, right?” “No dear,”). 

Dan’s brother is sitting to his left. Or at least he was until about 15 minutes ago when he got up with a purpose and left the table to go flirt with the younger sister of the bride (not blood related, of course). 

And then, there was Phil. Sitting to his right, wearing a black suit and hunched over a plate filled with different sweets, munching without a care in the world. 

Phil. His boyfriend. His Partner. His Plus one. 

It still feels weird for Dan bringing him along to these kind of events. Awakens old anxieties and defensiveness he hasn’t quite experienced in the last year or two. 

Most of the people there know about the two of them, Dan knows that. (He personally made sure that his family knew exactly who that lad with the black hair Dan was always hanging around with was a few years ago while having a small nervous breakdown. Not the best way to come out, he knows, but it did do the job). And those who don't were instructed not to take any pictures without permission, so that Dan and Phil could enjoy themselves without having to overthink every move (Dan was assured that by his cousin, more than a few times, before agreeing to come with Phil). 

And still, it is hard to stop his eyes from wandering. Looking for that camera flash or listening for that whisper or trying to catch a pointing finger directed his way (there are none, of course, like he was promised. It doesn't stop him from searching). 

But they aren’t really hiding anymore, Dan reminds himself. Not actively, not like they used to. So what if he comes with his partner to a family gathering? He’s allowed to. Everyone in that room seemed happy for him when he and Phil entered together, and not even one person made an offensive comment (at least not to his face). 

And he was promised, assured, that nothing will leave the wedding hall. That he is allowed, for once, to relax and enjoy his time with his family. His entire family. 

So really, what is stopping him from letting go?

His thoughts are interrupted by the sight of a pale hand sneaking into his plate of sweets and grabbing the last butter cookie quickly, snatching it from under his nose before he has a chance to react. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He exclaims, shocked by the audacity. 

Phil doesn’t even have the decency to swallow the stolen cookie before answering, covering his mouth with his hands. “I thought you weren’t eating that!” he defends, dropping his hands after swallowing loudly. “You were staring into space for quite some time. And the cookie was just lying there, all lonely and craving attention, I did you a favor.” 

“Oh, did you now?” 

There are a few crumbs on the corner of Phil’s mouth. That in itself is a regular occurrence. Phil is always a messy eater. Really, Dan can’t take him anywhere. And usually, when they were out in public, Dan would just simply hand him a napkin and say some offhand comment like “clean yourself up mate,” and Phil would giggle and wipe his entire face and ask “did I get it?” (He usually didn’t). 

But they’re not really in public today. Not like they usually are, and there is a wedding going on around them and the bride and groom are dancing amongst all their loved ones just a few meters away and his mum just shot him another unreadable look. And maybe, just maybe he’s feeling a little sentimental because he’s reaching his hand forward and wiping Phil’s mouth with his thumbs. 

“This is just cruel. Stealing my cookie and then leaving all those crumbs smeared on your face to taunt me,” he says once he pulls away. 

Phil’s face is neutral but his eyes flash surprise for the quickest second before he grins. Teeth and tongue poking out of his mouth and all. “Yeah that’s me, I’m savage like that.” 

Dan crinkle his nose. “Don’t say savage Phil, it sounds wrong coming out of your mouth.” 

In the background, he registers the DJ saying something about the last song of the night and he sees his mum from the corner of his eye pulling on his dad’s arm before they both get up and join the dance floor. 

And he’s feeling a little bit careless and a little bit brave and probably a lot in love because he can’t think of one good reason not to join them. 

“Can I have this dance?” he asks Phil and he can’t quite stop his voice from sounding sarcastic and mocking, but he knows Phil understands because he’s grinning again and shrugging his shoulders, reaching his hand out for Dan to take. 

They make their way to the dance floor and Dan can feel his hand sweating around Phil’s because even though most of the people there don’t spare them a glance some people are looking, they are, but when Dan looks closer he sees that their looks are fond and encouraging and either way it shouldn’t matter. He doesn’t want it to. 

Phil is squeezing his hand and then lets it go to wrap his arms around Dan’s neck, giving him a cheeky smirk. 

They don’t do this a lot. Being who they are they don’t really get that many chances and except a few drunken nights in their apartment swaying in each other’s arms he can’t really remember the last time they did this. (Swaying is a generous word, he thinks. More giggling and trying to step on each other’s feet by “accident”). But the music is slow and nice and there’s not much he needs to do other than wrap his arms around Phil’s waist and move a bit from side to side. And really, even he can do that. 

“Having a good day?” Phil asks him. He looks happy and a little bit pink in the cheeks and a strand of his hair falls from his neat fringe and lays against his eyebrows, and Dan just reaches out to tuck it back in place. Because he can. He’s allowed. 

“It’s alright I guess,” he says with a shrug, but he’s smiling too as he keeps swaying them to the song from side to side. 

Phil leans forward, not for a kiss because that might still be too much for them at this point, but he lays his head on Dan’s shoulder and presses their chests together, stepping on Dan’s foot in the proses. 

“Oops,” he says, but there’s still a smile to his voice and Dan can’t help but laugh.

“You’re like a new born giraffe. Learn to use your bloody legs.” But he still wraps his arms tighter around Phil’s waist, not letting him take a step back. 

He can see his mum looking at him again, dancing in a similar position with his dad not far away from them. This time she’s smiling at him proudly, gives him a small thumbs up.

He feels Phil’s fingers squeezing at the back of his head, turning his face a bit to hide in his neck. “I’m having a really good day,” Phil says quietly against his skin.

And really, that’s all Dan can ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like this one!!  
> please tell me what you thought of it though :)


	9. I saved a piece for you

Phil was home alone when Dan tweeted the picture of the delicious looking dessert. 

He had meetings with YouTube the entire day, meetings that had nothing to do with Phil whatsoever. Meetings that had to do with his own, personal projects that Dan was very much excited for. 

So he got up early that morning, leaving the apartment before Phil woke up, walking out the door without even saying goodbye.

He didn’t send a text the entire day as well. Not even once. Not asking how Phil was doing or telling him what he was up to. 

But really, Phil didn’t care. He didn’t. Honestly. He wasn’t petty like that. (And even if he did care a little, no one really had to know).

Dan had every right to do his own projects, Phil honestly didn’t care about that part. He always encouraged that even, wanting both of them to feel as accomplished and as proud of themselves as they could. And if Dan needed to do some things by himself to get there, Phil was all for it. 

And yeah, he might have preferred it if Dan woke him up before leaving, instead of waking up to a cold, empty bed all by himself, but that was understandable. Dan probably wanted Phil to have a few more hours of sleep. Phil was feeling quite sick in the last few days, coughing and sneezing and as a result having a lot of sleepless nights. So Dan was just being considerate, knowing that once Phil woke up he couldn’t get back to sleep due to his stuffy nose. 

And even if Phil would have liked to get at least one text, Dan was probably too busy to text Phil, going to meeting after meeting, having a horrible day socializing without Phil by his side. 

Or at least, that’s what Phil thought before seeing the picture of the dessert. 

It’s funny how much an image of a delicious looking cake with a generic funny caption could make him suddenly feel a jolt of annoyance in his guts. 

And yeah, maybe it’s true that Dan had every right to eat a dessert without Phil with him, but still. That was not just any dessert. No. It was a cake from Dan and Phil’s favorite café. Phil recognized the logo on the napkin immediately. They always went there together after YouTube meetings, trying different drinks and cakes. 

And if that wasn’t enough, the cake seemed to be a red velvet cake, which Dan knew was Phil’s favorite. Phil knew he knew, because Phil never stopped talking about it, and Dan never stopped telling him to shut up about the stupid red velvet cake already. 

So really, it all seemed like one big ‘fuck you Phil’ to him at that moment. 

Why hadn’t Dan sent him a text the entire day? He clearly had time to go out and eat Phil’s favorite dessert in his favorite café without him, so really, Phil was pretty sure Dan wasn’t running from meeting to meeting without time to spare for a simple text. 

And maybe Phil was a bit grumpy because of his clogged sinuses and sore throat, and felt quite antsy from the moment he woke up from the sound of his own cough that morning, but still. Even though he knew he was a bit silly about all this, he couldn’t ignore the pang of hurt and slight anger in his chest. 

And by the time Dan came home a few hours later, Phil was still feeling quite upset about the dessert situation, so he pointedly stayed on the couch in the lounge where he was sitting for most of the day, wrapped up in a blanket and ignoring Dan’s calls of his name. 

“Oh, there you are,” Dan said when he entered the room, smiling at Phil like nothing happened. Like he didn’t go out to eat Phil’s favorite cake in his favorite café without him, leaving him at home to die alone from the plague. 

Phil didn’t answer, but Dan didn’t seem to notice his annoyance yet, moving to the kitchen and rising his voice a little so that Phil would hear.

“We made a lot of progress today. I need to call Marianne to go over the paper work later because I really didn’t get half of it, but it looked like a good contract to me.” 

Phil made a grumbling sound of acknowledgment when Dan came back to the room, walking over to Phil and cupping his cheek absentmindedly, leaning down to kiss him hello. 

Phil wasn’t going to fall for that though, moving his face to the side, preventing Dan from kissing his lips.

Dan frowned, letting go of Phil’s face and sitting on the sofa next to him, looking at him with confusion. 

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling really sick?” he asked, putting his hand on Phil’s ankle that was folded up on the couch, massaging lightly. 

“Not that you care even if I was,” Phil grumbled, pulling his leg from Dan’s hold. 

The skin between Dan’s brows creased, looking at Phil with surprise. “What is that supposed to mean?” he asked. 

“Forget it,” Phil answer, because honestly there wasn’t a way to say 'you ate my favorite dessert without me,' without it sounding like a little bit of an overreaction. 

“Are you upset with me or something?” Dan kept inquiring. 

Phil gasped dramatically, putting a hand over his heart. “What gave it away?” and really, maybe he just wanted to be a bit of a brat. 

Dan folded his arms over his chest, looking at Phil pointedly for a moment. “Alright, what’s with the attitude? Spill it.” 

“If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.” Phil knew he was being ridiculous, but his head was aching and his throat felt like a cat was scratching it every time he spoke and honestly, he just felt really annoyed at Dan for the whole situation. 

“You know that’s not making any sense, right? If you don’t tell me why you’re mad how can I apologize?” Dan’s composure did nothing but get Phil even angrier at him. How could he act so calm when Phil was trying to wind him up? Get a reaction? 

Phil knew for sure that just a few years ago Dan would have started rising his voice at this point, getting frustrated and angry as a response to Phil’s frustration and anger. 

But he wasn’t that person anymore. He tried very hard to grow out of it. And Phil would have been a lot more appreciative of that fact if it didn’t drive him mad at that moment. 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that you didn’t text me the entire day, when I’m sick and dying by myself, while going out and having the time of your life, eating red velvet cake in my favorite place without me?” 

Dan looked at him with wide eyes for a few moments before throwing his head back and letting out a loud bark of laughter (which Phil certainly did not appreciate). 

“I should have known it was about food! It always is with you,” Dan said once he calmed down a little, smirking at Phil, but his eyes sparkling with fondness. 

Phil just let out an annoyed “humph,” turning his face away from Dan pointedly. 

He heard Dan chuckle a little next to him, before feeling a large hand settling on his thigh. 

“I’m sorry baby, I should have texted. But honestly we were so busy and I forgot,” he said, rubbing Phil’s leg a bit up and down. 

Phil stopped himself from having a reaction to the term of endearment. Dan knew exactly what he was doing using it, calling Phil cute nicknames with that sweet voice. Knew exactly how much that affected him. The bastard.

“Yeah, I saw how busy you were. Busy eating a delicious desserts,” he answered, refusing to turn around and look at Dan. 

“The guys in the meeting suggested we go get something to eat and do some business talk in the café, so I promise it wasn’t that fun for me,” Dan said apologetically, and Phil started to feel quite silly, pouting and looking away from Dan like that. 

But he already went too far to back down now. 

“You could have gone somewhere else. That’s our café,” he mumbled, and even to his own ears he sounded quite absurd. 

He could hear Dan let out a breath, and he didn’t need to look at him to know he was silently laughing at Phil. 

Dan leaned forward, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would bug you that much. But the guys suggested it and I know how much you like that place and their red velvet cakes so I saved a piece for you, I thought you would like that.” 

Phil’s ears perked up at that, turning around in Dan’s hold, forcing him to lift up his head from Phil’s shoulder. “You did?” 

Dan nodded, arms still around Phil’s waist and a cheeky smile on his lips, like he already knew he won. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Phil’s cheek. “It’s in the fridge. Am I forgiven?” 

Phil couldn’t help the embarrassing smile growing on his face. God, he was so easy to win over. He dropped his head to Dan’s neck to hide his grin, feeling Dan chuckle into his hair and pressing his lips to the top of his head for a kiss. 

“Yes. But I won’t let it slide again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh sorry for the long wait!! but i hope you liked it ^^ please let me know what you think <33


	10. Stay there.  I’m coming to get you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warning** consumption of alcohol

Dan and Phil rarely went to places without each other anymore, especially to a night on the town. 

Actually, they didn’t do that with each other quite that often as well, preferring much more to stay inside and have a nice night of video games and pizza. but when social obligations forced them too, they always did the same thing. Going together and sticking to each other’s sides for the entire night, heading home at least a few hours before everyone else with the pretense of an early morning the day after. 

Their friends stopped arguing with them about that a long time ago. Some smirking and rising their eyebrows, some rolling their eyes at the obvious excuse, some just waving them goodbye politely, not really caring. Everyone knew by this point that Dan and Phil liked nothing more than staying in the comfort of their own home, doing everything and nothing in each other’s company. 

But today was one of those rare occasions when things were different. 

Phil’s buddies from uni were in London, suggesting they should all go out and have a fun night for old time’s sake, insisting on going to a club. And even thought Phil wasn’t too ecstatic about going out to a night club, he did want to spend some time with his friends who he haven’t seen in quite some time, agreeing to the offer immediately. 

Naturally, Dan was invited to come along, but Dan was less than eager to leave his comfortable cocoon of blankets on the couch, too busy editing his latest video on his laptop even if he did want to join. (And really, as much as Dan loved Phil, he had no desire to spend his night in a sweaty, crowded club, trying to yell over the loud speakers just to talk to Phil and his drunk friends).

And Phil didn’t want to push as well, deciding that one night without Dan wouldn’t be that bad, and maybe he would be able to relax a little and have fun with his old friends without worrying about Dan not having a good time. 

So at 10:30 PM Phil headed out of the apartment, giving Dan, who was still sitting with his brow furrowed in front of his laptop, a quick kiss on the head on his way out. 

Dan barely acknowledged his leaving, humming in response to Phil’s call of goodbye and keeping his eyes glowed to the screen. 

Dan was deep into his editing session, not really noticing the hours go by, sitting in the same position and clicking on his computer. When he finally finished editing and let his eyes wander and look at the clock, it was already 3 AM. 

Dan stretched his limbs, feeling the effect of his browsing position on the stiffness of his body, checking his phone, intending to send Phil a text to see how he was doing and when he was going to come back. He wasn’t too surprised though when he found 5 messages from Phil already waiting for him. 

From: Phil Lester 11:03  
Got to the club! It’s very loud and everyone’s late :( 

 

From: Phil Lester 11:30  
They finally got here! 

 

From: Phil Lester 00:15  
Are you still editing? You should take a break xx 

 

From: Phil Lester 00:51  
You should have come with us! They have really good cocktails here!

 

From: Phil Lester 01:14  
They’re playing toxic and I’m thinking about yooooouuu <3333333 

 

Dan stared at the messages for a few moments, chuckling at the last one. Phil had to be a little more than tipsy to send Dan a message like that. 

He did note that Phil’s last text was almost two hours ago, but he didn’t really worry too much. Phil wasn’t alone and had friends with him to take care of him. And besides, he never really drank to the point of oblivion, knowing his own limits. So really, Dan was sure everything was fine. 

 

To: Phil Lester 03:07 

Glad you’re having fun 

Come home soon though it’s late 

And don’t drink anymore please I think you had enough fruity cocktails for one night xx 

 

After that Dan put his phone away in his pocket, going to the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

He knew he probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep until Phil would get home, because even though he was sure everything was fine, he couldn’t really relax when he didn’t know exactly where Phil was and how he was doing. 

But still, He was tired from staring at his screen for so long and wanted nothing more than to crawl into his soft bed and curl into a ball under the covers. 

But before he even managed to take his shirt off and turn the shower on, he could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket with an incoming call, taking it out again and seeing that it was Phil. 

“Hey,” he answered, expecting to hear Phil’s slurred, drunk voice greeting him from the other end of the line. 

He did not expect, however, to hear a stranger man’s voice talking to him instead. 

“Um, hello?” the person said, sounding quite embarrassed, like he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. 

“Who is this?” Dan asked, starting to feel his heart rate speed up. 

“Um, are you Dan?” 

“Yes, who’s this? Where’s Phil?” he asked, hearing his own anxiousness in his voice. 

“Your… your friend is here and he’s pretty wasted. He was sitting on the floor next to a club? and when we asked if he needed help he gave us his phone and said to call Dan?” the guy’s voice sounded uncertain and like he wasn’t quite sure why he was doing this in the first place, but Dan really didn’t have it in him to care about that. He could feel his body physically deflate at the man’s words. It sounded like Phil just had a little too much fun with the cocktails.

“That idiot! Thank you so much for calling me. Is he there with you?” he said, getting out of the bathroom and heading to his room to put his shoes on. 

“Yes he’s right here, he’s pretty out of it.” 

“Can you put him on the phone please?” 

Dan heard rustling from the other end of the line, and then a few unclear, muffled words, before he finally heard Phil’s voice, barely audible and mumbling into his Phone. 

“Danny,” he said, or at least that was what Dan assumed he said. 

“God Phil, you’re such an idiot! What were you thinking?” he said, before thinking the better of it. Phil was definitely not in a state to receive scolding. Dan had to pull himself together. 

Phil only whimpered at Dan’s sharp words, mumbling something Dan wasn’t able to hear, but he was pretty sure it was something along the lines of “sorry.” 

Dan took a deep breath to calm himself down, clutching his phone a little too tightly. “Are you okay?” he asked, because really, that was the most important question. 

“I don’t feel so good,” Phil answered, and for the first time Dan could actually make sense of the words he was saying. 

Dan could feel his chest tightening. He was fine. Just drunk. Just stupidly drunk. That’s all it was. 

“You’re going to be fine, okay Philly? You just drank too much that’s all. Stay there, I’m coming to get you, yeah?” 

Phil didn’t answer and Dan heard more rustling before the guy from before was talking to him again. “Hello?” 

“Hey, I’m heading out of the house right now to pick him up. Can you please stay with him until I get there? I know it’s a lot to ask.” 

“Um, yeah, I think we can wait for a bit,” he said, not sounding all too happy about Dan’s request, but Dan couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment. 

“Can you send me the name of the club? I’m calling a cab right now.” 

“Yeah sure.” 

“And tell him I’m on my way, okay? I’m not sure he heard me and I don’t want him to freak out.” 

“Okay.” 

_______________________________

 

The drive was fairly quick, but Dan couldn’t help feeling like the time was dragging on forever. 

Phil never pulled stunts like that, and as much as Dan was pissed off, he knew he was mostly just concerned. 

Where were Phil’s friends? How did they let him drink that much? Why weren’t they with him? 

He was looking at the road and wishing the lights to turn green already and for all the other cars to disappear from their lane. 

And even though he knew Phil was fine, probably just drunk and feeling sick because he wasn’t used this much alcohol, his heart was still pounding in his chest. It was certainly quite a scare, and Phil would be getting in so much trouble for putting Dan through all that. 

Tomorrow. Dan reminded himself. Tonight, Dan just needed to have him safe again by his side. 

When they got there, Dan told the cab driver to wait for him, getting out of the car and looking around for Phil. 

It didn’t take him long to find him. 

Phil was sitting on the pavement, his head resting back on the wall of the club, eyes looking unfocused. Next to him set 3 young looking guys, looking up at Dan the moment he approached. 

“Thank you so much for calling me guys, I’ll take it from here,” he said, leaning down to kneel next to Phil. 

They looked at him for a moment more before getting up and walking away, murmuring a quiet “bye,” and “good luck.” 

Dan let all his attention go back to Phil, taking in his pitiful state. 

“You’re going to get so much yelling tomorrow, I hope you know that,” Dan said softly, reaching out to cup Phil’s face in his hands. 

Phil didn’t seem to register his words, but he did perk up at the sight of Dan’s face a bit. 

“Dan,” he whined, trying to pull Dan closer to him but instead falling to his side. 

“Easy there, Philly. Don’t want to fall and hit your thick head. Might knock some sense into it by accident.” 

Again, Phil didn’t seem to understand what Dan was saying, just whining in response. 

“Where’s your friends?” Dan asked, trying to pull Phil into a standing position, lifting him up by the armpits. He was certainly glad for the extra muscles he got from all the exercising he’d been doing for the last few months at that moment. 

“I don’t know, they went dancing but the nice guy at the bar kept giving me yummy drinks with umbrellas so I didn’t go with them.” Phil slurred, leaning all his weight on Dan’s body, cold nose finding his way to Dan’s neck. 

Oh. So, so much yelling. 

They started to walk slowly to the cab, Dan supporting Phil’s body. 

“And then what happened?” Dan asked, trying to keep his voice calm. 

“Um, he wanted to dance. But I didn’t and I told him I didn’t because Dan wouldn’t like that and I don’t want Dan to be sad. But he looked kind of mad and it made me feel bad. And then I felt sick so I wanted to go home but everything was spinning.” Phil was talking fast and Dan could barely understand what he was saying, but he couldn’t help but feel even angrier at his words. How could Phil’s friends leave him alone with a guy who was basically shoving drinks down his throat? What if something worse than Phil just simply feeling sick would have happened? 

They got to the cab and Dan helped Phil get in before sitting next to him, telling the cab driver to go back to where they came from. 

Phil automatically slouched into Dan’s body, tucking himself under Dan’s chin. 

“You’re sad. I didn’t dance with him but you’re still sad,” Phil said, and Dan could feel a pang in his chest from the sound of Phil’s confused voice. 

Dan wrapped his arm around him, noting the cab driver wasn’t giving them a second look, and gave him a lingering kiss on the head, feeling relief washing over him now that Phil was safe again in his arms.

“I’m not sad, I’m freaking pissed at your friends for not looking after you, and at that guy for trying to take advantage of you, and at you for getting yourself in this situation,” he said, but his voice was far too soft to actually sound angry. 

Phil just pushed himself farther into Dan’s body, mumbling a quiet “sorry,” and closing his eyes.

Dan kissed his head again, pulling him closer and holding him tighter. 

Tomorrow will be the time for stern conversations. Time to tell Phil he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without Dan again until he learns how to be an adult. Time to call his so called “friends” and give them a piece of his mind. 

But for now, he was just relived knowing that Phil was safe. That he was okay. He was going to be just fine. 

And besides, Dan decided that at least for tonight, the fact that Phil started throwing up in the bathroom the moment they stepped in the house was punishment enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! this one was a bit longer than the other ones haha oh well, hope you liked it!!  
> please tell me what you think ^^


	11. I believe in you

Sometimes, Phil got anxious about silly things. 

He knew they were silly, because other people, (normal people), could handle them just fine, no hardships involved. 

For example, he knew it was silly when he came back from the shop with things he didn’t need, just because they didn’t have what he went there to get. Knew it was silly to not be able to just walk out without purchasing something, anything, just so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed. 

And he knew it was quite silly, stupid even, when he wouldn’t go see a doctor when he was sick, just because he didn’t want to waste the doctor’s time. He understood, logically, that this thought made no sense. But when it came down to it, he couldn’t really act rationally. 

Dan got annoyed with him about those things. Sometimes. Occasionally. When Phil got a bit too much for him. 

Like when they came back from the movies and Phil had to admit he couldn’t concentrate on the film because he was thinking about the man who tripped over his foot the whole time. Or when Phil came back from the gym, shaky and pale and told Dan he didn’t know how to tell the trainer he wasn’t feeling well. 

Phil knew Dan mostly got annoyed because he cared. He got annoyed because he wanted Phil to be able to do things, normal life things, without it going wrong for him or without it making him feel bad. 

But sometimes, Phil thought that maybe it wasn’t just that. Maybe, Dan got annoyed because it was just so god damn annoying to be with someone who got scared and anxious about such silly, day to day things. 

And today was just one of those days. 

They had a lot of things to do. A lot of important tour planning, decision making, time limited, things that had to be done. 

And Phil was stressed. They both were. He could feel it in every part of his body. Could feel his heart beat slightly too fast the entire day, could feel his palms sweating when he was typing an important email. Could feel his leg shaking a little when he thought about the next thing that had to be done. 

So by the time they decided it was enough work for one day, they were both exhausted and drained and wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch and never do anything productive again. 

It was already late, and they ate nothing more than a few small snacks the entire day, so Phil wasn’t surprised when Dan said he was going to take a shower, asking Phil to order them a pizza. 

Phil grunted in response, already opening his laptop to place an order in their regular pizza place while Dan walked out of the room. 

But when the site finally loaded, he could feel something small twist in his stomach. 

‘Temporary technical problem. Orders can be made only by phone call. We apologize for the inconvenience.’ 

Phil looked at his laptop for a few moments, trying to compose himself.

The thing was, Phil could make a phone call. He could. Really. He was long past the stage in life when talking to a stranger on the phone to order food or make a reservation was the most terrifying thing he could’ve been asked to do. Past the stage when picking up his phone and dialing an unfamiliar number caused his heart beat too loudly in his chest and his breathing to become too fast and his brain to repeat words in his head again and again just to make sure he didn’t make a fool out of himself, and then thinking all night how he did just that. 

He was more confident than that now. Truly. Mostly. 

But sometimes, when stress and anxiety were already running high, all it took was something small to make it all feel too much. Too much for him to handle. Too hard for him to do. 

And he felt silly, frustrated, because no matter how long he was staring at the screen he couldn’t force himself to pick up his phone and order the stupid pizza. 

He was rehearsing the conversation again and again in his head. Imagining what he was going to say to the person on the other end of the line, trying to reassure himself that really, there was nothing scary about the simple task. 

But every time he ran over the script in his mind, saying the same words again and again, something always went wrong. Like the person he was talking to not hearing him correctly and sending them the wrong pizza, or the place being out of the toppings they wanted, making the person ask if he wanted something else instead, and Phil not knowing what to say. 

And even though he knew all those scenarios weren’t actually that scary, probably weren’t scary at all, he couldn’t make himself do it. 

By the time Dan got out of the shower and joined Phil on the couch Phil’s face was red from frustration and stress, already feeling embarrassed from the imaginary conversations he didn’t even have the courage to actually have. 

“Is the pizza on the way?” Dan asked lightheartedly, looking a lot more relaxed after taking his shower. 

Phil could feel his entire face burn from humiliation. Dan was probably so done with him. So done with having a baby boyfriend who couldn’t even make a phone call. Even Phil was done with himself, how could Dan not be? 

“No, it’s not,” Phil’s voice was sharp and angry, but he knew it wasn’t Dan’s question that made him upset. It was his own incapability to do even the simplest things. His stomach was turning and his eyes were starting to sting and really, he didn’t even want that pizza anymore. 

“Well why not? I’m bloody starving,” Dan exclaimed, ignoring Phil’s tone and pulling the laptop out of Phil’s grip. 

Phil could feel his chest clench a little when Dan paused, looking at the screen. He knew was being dramatic. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Dan didn’t care that Phil sometimes couldn’t make a phone call. He didn’t. Phil knew that. 

Except, sometimes, maybe Dan did. Sometimes, he got frustrated and rolled his eyes and called Phil a child and even though it was all lighthearted banter Phil really didn’t want to hear it at that moment. 

Dan groaned loudly, throwing his head back, and Phil was already feeling the need to defend himself against Dan’s unsaid words. 

“It’s fucking 2018, why the hell do we need to actually talk to people to order food?” Dan said, taking his phone out of his pocket and dialing the number on the screen. 

Phil blinked at him for a moment, surprised by his lack of reaction to Phil’s incompetence. 

The actual call took exactly 30 seconds and Phil felt even sillier after Dan put down his phone, still feeling flustered and frustrated with himself. 

Dan turned to him then, an unbothered look on his face, opening his arms and making grabby hands towards him. 

“Cuddles,” Dan said simply, pulling at Phil’s arm a little when he didn’t react, making him collapse with his face in Dan’s neck. 

Dan sighed happily, one hand making its way to Phil’s head and tugging gently at his hair. 

“I feel like I can sleep for forever. Let’s never plan a tour again,” Dan said, and Phil could feel his eyes sting a little again. Because Dan was trying to distract him, to make him feel better, and maybe the affection was a little too much for him at that moment. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t order the pizza,” Phil said quietly, because even if Dan didn’t care, Phil still did. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. And really, that was the problem from the beginning. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Dan said, scratching a bit harder at Phil’s scalp, trying to soothe him. 

“It does,” Phil said, his voice bitter. 

“It’s just pizza Phil.” 

“Exactly.”

Dan drew away from him, looking him in the eyes pointedly. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” 

Phil felt his stomach twist again. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” 

Dan looked at him for a moment more before pulling him back to his arms, resuming his petting. 

“I know, me too. We’ll go to sleep early.” 

Phil nodded against Dan’s collarbone, dropping a kiss there for good measure, feeling Dan squeeze him a little harder in response. 

They were quiet for a few moments before Phil spoke again. 

“I can make a phone call,” he said quietly. Somehow, it felt important that Dan would know that. Because he could. Really. Most of the time.

“I know you can.” Dan let his hand wander to Phil’s neck, squeezing there and making Phil shiver from the feeling. 

“Next time I will,” he added, more to himself than to Dan. 

“You can do it, I believe in you,” Dan said, and his voice was a little mocking and a little amused but he couldn’t mask the warmth and reassurance underneath it.

“Shut up,” Phil said, not even surprised to find his voice unbelievably grateful and soft, letting himself hug Dan’s middle a little closer, feeling Dan’s lips kissing the top of his head a few times. 

And maybe, for tonight, he could let it go. Because concentrating on Dan’s fingers in his hair and Dan’s calm heartbeat under his ear was far more appealing than dwelling on what he couldn’t really change at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again friends!  
> I hope you liked this this ^^ please tell me what you think :)  
> and come say hello on tumblr! phantasticlizzy


	12. I like your laugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: alcohol consumption

They’re sitting on their porch next to each other. Dan is set on his favorite grey chair and Phil is set on a random, not necessarily his favorite, orange chair. (“I like all the chairs equally Dan, I don’t discriminate,” Phil said to him once, and Dan couldn’t help but smile in response. it was a very Phil thing to say, and all the Phil things never fail to force a smile on his face). 

They dragged the chairs from their dining table to the porch outside because they didn’t get to buying porch furniture just yet. Really, it never seemed like enough of a priority. Phil wants a soft, comfortable place he can sit on, while Dan insists it isn’t practical because of the rain. They can never seem to agree on a compromise. But that’s okay, Dan thinks, they can do it after the tour. It doesn’t matter, he’s okay with dragging chairs for a bit. They have time. 

They’re drinking wine tonight. Its dark red and rich in flavor and they put it in their nice glasses, just for the fun of it. They don’t do that a lot, not just the two of them at least. They’re social drinkers, usually, drinking when a social obligation calls for it. Phil doesn’t really like wine all that much, and when he drinks it’s usually for the sugary flavor of a nice, overpriced cocktail, and not for the actual alcohol. Dan likes wine just fine, but he doesn’t like it enough to drink by himself, and doesn’t care enough to persuade Phil to join him. 

But when earlier that evening Phil suddenly suggested they should open the expensive bottle of wine they got that one time from their management and never looked at again since, Dan really doesn’t object to the idea. 

They both feel a little emotional tonight, he supposes. A good, nice kind of emotional. They just finished rehearsing for their tour that day, just finished all the last minute touch-ups and went over all the worst case scenarios. The first show is just a few days away and he can feel the air in their apartment charged with a thick, excited, nervous energy. 

He doesn’t feel nervous tonight though. He feels relaxed, his bones heavy in his body and his butt heavy in his grey chair. He feels the nice, slow buzz of the wine spreading from his stomach to his head with every sip, feels Phil’s heavy, relaxed bones just next to him, shoulder touching his own. 

“We made it,” Phil says, with no explanation and no following sentences, and Dan isn’t quite sure what he means by that. He could be talking about their tour, and how they’re finally going to start performing their stage show after months of ideas and preparation. After weeks of rehearsals. After what feels like years of anticipation. 

He also could be talking about their life in general, Dan supposes. About how they did all they set up to do. How they built this beautiful life together, supporting and loving each other every step of the way. How they made it despite all the obstacles in their way. 

Or maybe, he’s just talking about how they made it to the porch with two chairs, two glasses and one expensive bottle of wine. 

Either way, his answer is “Yes,” because it’s true no matter what Phil was trying to say. And really, it doesn’t matter all that much, he thinks. At that moment he’s probably willing to agree with everything Phil is going to say. The effect of the wine and the view of Phil’s flushed cheeks is just enough to make him that extra bit of enamored. 

And when Phil gives him this look, this ridiculously adoring look that used to make him want to cover his face with his hands (because how could anyone ever look at him like that?), he can’t help but let out a loud bark of laughter. 

Nothing is funny, he’s vaguely aware of that, but he’s feeling warm and giddy and in love and his body needs to let some of it out into the world somehow, needs to get rid of the extra emotion piling up in his stomach. 

Phil doesn’t seem weirded out though, doesn’t ask Dan what is so funny. His own smile grows wider on his face, stretching his pink lips and making his eyes crinkle in Dan’s favorite way. Really, he can never get enough of those crinkling eyes. 

“I like your laugh,” Phil says, reaching to take Dan’s warm hand in his cool one, intertwining their fingers together. Phil hands are always soft, gentle, and Dan rubs his thumb over Phil’s knuckles a few times, just to feel the smooth skin. 

“Yeah?” he asks, because his mind is a haze and he can’t stop looking at Phil’s blue blue eyes, and really, there is still a limit on how cliché he's willing to get. 

“Yes,” Phil says, and Dan really wants to kiss him. 

So he does. His lips first, leaning in and lingering, tasting wine and chocolate (not so surprisingly, Phil tastes of chocolate more often than not), and his hand next, bringing it to his mouth and pressing his lips to it one, two, three times, until Phil let’s out a small giggle and tries to pull away. 

“I like your everything,” Dan says then, and something in his mind is aware that he’s being a little ridiculous, but he doesn’t care. Really, he doesn’t. Because if it earns him a smile like the one on Phil’s face in that moment, he thinks it’s more than worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello firends!! hope you liked this little fic ^.^  
> please comment and tell me what you think, it really means a lot to me when you do!  
> and come say hello on tumblr! phantasticlizzy :)


	13. it’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway

Dan was trying to fall asleep for the last hour and a half, turning from side to side on the white, unfamiliar sheets. 

He is in yet another hotel room, resting his head on yet another pillow and listening to the night sounds of yet another city that is not his own. 

Only this time, unlike most of the other times, he doesn’t have Phil next to him. 

They do this sometimes, book two rooms instead of one. Or more accurately, their team does, and they don’t really protest. Spending every moment together on tour has its toll, and sometimes they just need to take a deep breath away from each other and regroup. And if Dan’s really honest, that breath probably should have been taken at least a day sooner. 

He’s been snappy all day, he knows he has. The silliest things setting him off and making him act unnecessarily obnoxious and sometimes even plain mean. 

Phil brushed it off the entire day, laughing and teasing and making the atmosphere lighthearted to ease everyone’s tension. He’s useful like that, carrying the social responsibilities that Dan is so quick to shrug off when he’s not in the mood. 

But the moment they got to the hotel Phil went ahead and took his room keys, wishing everyone a good night with a smile and disappeared into the lift before Dan had the chance to say anything. He did make sure to brush his fingers against Dan’s hand when he walked past him, so Dan knows he’s not really angry, but he looked tired and stressed and done with the day, and Dan hates that he contributed to that. 

He knows it exhausts Phil, knows that he can’t just leave it alone when he feels even the slightest bit of uncomfortable energy around him, knows that he feels the need to fix it and make sure everyone feels relaxed and at ease. Knows that it’s important to him to show that everything between him and Dan is always good, always just a friendly banter, even if Dan really does act like a prick. 

At home, Phil might tell him off for talking to him this way, might snap back a little, or might even just go to another room to let Dan cool off by himself and avoid contact for a few hours. 

But Here, on tour, their choices are limited and the only real opportunities to get some alone time are these random nights in separate hotel rooms. 

And yet, even though Dan knows he needs this, needs this night for himself, he can’t make himself fall asleep. 

He misses the solid weight of Phil next to him, misses his deep breathes that sometimes turn into quiet snores, misses the reassuring touch of Phil’s nose against his shoulder when he nuzzles his way closer to him in his sleep. 

And maybe it’s just the feeling of guilt and the image of Phil’s “amazingphil” smile that he flashed everyone while wishing them a good night, (a smile that he tries not to take home with him after a day of work, something Dan knows he fails to do when he can’t muster a genuine one), but before he knows it he’s picking up his phone and dials Phil’s number. 

It takes 4 rings for Phil to answer (Dan counts), and when he does he sounds sleepy and groggy and the feeling of guilt intensifies in Dan’s stomach. 

“Dan?” he asks, and Dan thinks that his face is probably pressed against his pillow because the sound comes out a little muffled. 

“Sorry, were you sleeping? I didn’t check the time,” Dan says, and he can hear movements on the other end of the line, can hear a sound of the sheets rustling. 

“No no, it’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway,” Phil says, and his voice is a lot clearer now, a lot less slurred, and still, Dan knows it’s a complete lie. 

Dan thinks about apologizing, he thinks about saying sorry and telling Phil to go back to sleep, thinks about hanging up the phone before Phil has a chance to protest. But his brain is clouded by a weird, distressed feeling, and instead of doing that he ends up saying “me too,” in a quiet voice. 

He knows Phil doesn’t really mind. Knows he wouldn’t have minded either if the roles were reversed. They woke each other up plenty over the years, asking for comfort and support and sometimes just a sympathetic ear to listen to their thoughts. And now, he just really needs to hear Phil’s voice, even for a few seconds, settle the weird buzzing inside his body. 

Phil says nothing, but Dan can hear by his breathing that he’s still awake, still listening. 

“Do you want to go out for breakfast tomorrow? Just the two of us?” Dan asks, because he can’t think of something to say, and he wants to show Phil that tomorrow will be different, that tomorrow Dan will act differently and won’t leave Phil to deal with everything by himself. 

“We can just order room service,” Phil says, and Dan knows it means Phil is still a little upset with him. Phil never misses the opportunity to go out for food. 

“We should… we should go somewhere. I can… I can order the waffles while you order the pancakes, yeah? And then I’ll share them with you.” he tries again. 

There’s silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Dan thinks Phil might have fallen asleep, but then he hears more movements, and the next time Phil talks his voice sounds muffled again. “I think we should just order room service tomorrow,” he says again, making something small in Dan’s stomach drop. 

It’s okay, he knows it’s okay. Phil is not really mad, he just needs a little bit more time to feel annoyed with Dan, needs to reprimand him by small actions like refusing a breakfast date. But Dan knows that the moment they’ll see each other tomorrow (probably after having separate breakfast in their own rooms), they will smile and say good morning, and if they’re alone Dan will steal a kiss and maybe hug Phil tight as well, to help the remaining tension melt. 

But for now, it still stings a little. 

“We can have dinner somewhere though, if you want,” Phil says, snapping Dan out of his thoughts. 

“What?” 

“Dinner, the two of us, tomorrow, if you want,” he says again. 

Dan feels the corner of his mouth curl a little and something in his chest eases, and suddenly he feels exhausted, like there’s nothing he would like to do more than to close his eyes and fall asleep. Nothing he would like to do more than make tomorrow arrive faster, so he could take Phil out for the best dinner ever. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he says, letting his head sink heavily back into his pillow, letting the muscles he didn’t even know were tense ease at last. 

“Dan?” 

“Mhm?” 

“You should try get some sleep now, okay? We have a long day tomorrow.” 

“Mhm,” Dan tries to respond, but he can already feel himself slipping away from consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i can't decide if this is crap or not haha... hope you liked it :")  
> if you follow me on tumblr (phantasticlizzy) then maybe you know the last few months, and especially the last few weeks, were really hard for me and my family, but i'll try to post a little more from now on, so i hope you're excited for that ^.^  
> please leave a comment and tell me what you think, it really means a lot when you do, and come say hello on tumblr!


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